she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
