Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Randomize
