I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Randomize
