as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
