the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
