im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Randomize
