he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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