Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
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