I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
