Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
