Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
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