Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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