; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
