I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
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