I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Randomize
