Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
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