I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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