Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
