im about as happy as oj after his trial
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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