you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
