: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I am midnight drunk by noon
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Randomize
