I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
