I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Randomize
