My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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