the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Randomize
