I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
