I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
