just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
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