Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
