so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
