he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
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