take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
