He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
