So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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