just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
