So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
i was born a porn star she said
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
