i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
