Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
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