It's like a parade of train wrecks.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Randomize
