i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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