Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
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