I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
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