Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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