I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
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