I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
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