Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
