i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
