Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
