I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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