Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
