matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
